Edmunds: Success in business and relationships

Hello Gladys: I have a question that I am pretty sure you haven't come across in the past. I have been in business for almost 20 years. I am single. I have never been married nor have I had a long-term, truly-committed relationship. I would love to find a really decent guy. Usually when I meet someone we get along just fine until he learns that I own a very successful business. After that the relationship seems to decline at a fairly rapid rate.

I have many girlfriends that are in the same position. They are women who are business owners and high-powered professional women and we often discuss this missing love link in our lives. Why can't women be both successful in business and have love at the same time? I'm getting older and a solid relationship is important to me. But so is the financial security that my business brings. Do I have to give up one in order to have the other? — S. K.

I remember several years ago having dinner with a friend, whom I will call Sue. She owns a nutritional consulting company and was single for many years following the death of her husband. Every time we would get together she would make comments on how lonely she was and how she wished and even prayed to be able to find a good man who wanted to settle down. She even signed up for a number of online dating services and had no luck finding Mr. Right.

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Finally, one day I asked her why she hadn't found someone to her liking and she responded by saying, "My business keeps me so busy, I don't have time to play nursemaid to a man. And every guy I meet is either married, a loser, totally boring, or looking for someone to mother him. And when I meet someone that seems like the kind of fellow I could get into he gets intimidated by my business success."

I told her that whether we believe it or not, people can sense where we are coming from before we hardly speak a word. I reminded her of th! e time that I went with her to buy a car. While we looked under the hood and in the trunk, and got inside and sat behind the wheel, the car salesman gawked at us like we were idiots who knew nothing about buying a car. I reminded Sue how insulted she was at his behavior and how she left the car dealers and purchased her car elsewhere.

We laughed as we recalled the event. I told Sue that the salesman never said anything derogatory or insulting to us but he made us feel uncomfortable. I went on to say that if I met a man who believed that all the women he met were either losers or totally boring. I would be able to feel his thoughts in the same way we felt the negative thoughts of the car salesman. Needless to say I would want nothing to do with that man.

Perhaps you might want to recheck the kind of energy you're putting out there toward men. I have witnessed women putting their bios on the table with the first date. I could be mistaken, but I don't think a man wants that on the first date.

There is a wonderful poem written by Oriah Mountain Dreamer called 'The Invitation'. The opening passage goes like this:

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
And if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing."

You can read the entire poem at www.oriahmountaindreamer.com. After reading the poem, review your thoughts and feelings when dating: pay attention to both your verbal and non-verbal communication when you are out on a date.

You do not have to trade your business for a meaningful relationship. I believe that there is someone for you.

When "Mr. Right" shows up you want to be ready and not make him run away. So check to make certain that you are not harboring thoughts and feelings that will find their way into your body language and words.

Gladys Edmunds, founder of Edmunds Travel Consultants in Pittsburgh, is an author and coach/consultant in business development. Her column appears Wednesdays. E-mail her a! t gladys@! gladysedmunds.com. An archive of her columns is here. Her website is gladysedmunds.com.